Fluffy — The Silent Witness of My Growing Up
I have never been very fond of teddy bears like the other girls in my class. I never even asked my parents to get me one. I think I got it on my birthday when I was in 11th grade. Even though I was not a fan of teddy bears, it was gifted to me by my only best friend at the time. I decided to name it “Fluffy.”
I remember being an extremely
sensitive girl in high school. My mother not tying my braid for school would
break my heart. I was often clueless about most things in my life then, and my
only support system was my best friend. I would confide in them about all my
trivial and non-trivial matters. I kept the teddy bear on top of the cupboard,
still wrapped in the plastic. It was the first thing I saw when I woke up and
the last thing I saw before I fell asleep. Even though I never talked to it or
anything, it was the only thing in the world that had seen my most vulnerable
side—probably even more than my best friend.
I remember taking it to my
hostel room. There, too, it was kept above the cupboard, still wrapped in
plastic. I was still in touch with my best friend, but we were miles apart. It
was still the thing I saw first when I woke up and the last thing I saw when I
slept. I had purchased the then Jio pack (with free night calling from 11:00
p.m. to 6:00 a.m.), and we talked for two days before it faded. We tried to
catch up on the weekends. The only person with whom I shared my thoughts wasn’t
as easily available anymore. I started finding my own solutions—rather, I had
no choice but to do so. But even then, during the darkest of times, Fluffy was
there.
I remember taking it to my
rented apartment when I started working. A new city, a new job, staying alone
for the first time. But I didn’t find it too scary (surprisingly for me, maybe
not for Fluffy). My circle of close friends changed quite a lot over the years.
Even though I was not in much touch with my best friend, I still relied on her
advice or just shared my troubles from time to time.
I remember moving back home. I
called my best friend, excited to meet after all these years. The first thing I
packed, as soon as I found out she wouldn’t be able to attend, was
"Fluffy." I couldn’t wait to share all the excitement of my new life.
I don’t even remember when I stopped waiting. Within a few months of my
wedding, I lost my dad to COVID. I was showered with condolences from
innumerable people, but deep within, all I wanted was to talk to my best
friend. Maybe then, I could find a solution on how to heal. I patiently waited
for the call back, and I don’t even remember when I stopped waiting. With time,
I learned to live with the pain.
Finally, having a permanent
space to live, I unwrapped "Fluffy." Still as good as new. Fluffy now
has a special seat beside my bed, still being the first thing I see when I wake
up and the last thing I see before I fall asleep.
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